Things We Carry [2004]

{AOL Instant Messenger. Detroit, Michigan + Brooklyn, New York. Summer, 2001}:

howardhenry: someone at a magazine contacted me about possibly running some vietnam photos in an upcoming issue. but I heard they don’t have any money, so we’ll see.

hansharris: hey, that's awesome. I think those pictures are worthy of publication anywhere.

hansharris: did you tell them you'd be spending aug. printing more?

howardhenry: they need to see if they have room and can make something fit with the issue's theme. but i'm feeling really insecure and unambitious right now. wondering if all this is worth it.

hansharris:  yes, of course it’s worth it. it will be a few short steps after that to real stable success as a photographer .

howardhenry: i have been thinking about trying to get into commercial work, or going back to journalism. maybe law school. if nothing happens with the “art.” i need to start making a living...i mean, a serious living. i may have to apprentice or go to school for that, though. i am wondering if it's worth it. are you excited about starting law school?

hansharris: yes

howardhenry: i know mom and dad want us both to be lawyers but i'm not sure i have the constitution for it. (bad pun, I know). so be a good lawyer for both of us.

hansharris: don't be silly. stop talking about law school for yourself.

howardhenry: i don't want to go to law school and then wonder what might have happened.

hansharris: yes. of course. do what you're best at. that's why I'm going to law school.

howardhenry: it's one of themes i write about in subsequent chapters...this idea that you, me, binh, huy, tran and our other cousins outside of vietnam are in a weird subset of vietnamese folk: we have choices that our immigrant parents did not have – and yet, the people still in vietnam our age, like our cousins, people who never left, they don't have alot of choices in life. 

howardhenry: do you know we have a cousin in saigon who works in cambodia in a garment factory because it pays US dollars? her name is Tam (“Sum” in chinese, as in “heart,” as in “dim sum.” she romanized it and calls herself Tammy.) anyway, she hates it in cambodia and she wants to be with her family in saigon but can only come home twice a year. when i was there i used some of my fulbright money to pay her a month's salary so she could spend time with us in saigon.

howardhenrychen: and i complain about a $40,000 grant writing job. i feel awful.

hansharris: stop feeling bad. as long as we remain thankful for what we have and use our resources to the best of our abilities, then we lead good lives. 

howardhenry: do we owe anything to them? for chrissakes, they’re our cousins.

hansharris: we owe them to the extent that we come to know them. I'm wary of feeling like our family there are like those poor kids you get to adopt for $100 a year and you get a letter of thanks from them.

howardhenry: that's part of the reason why i'd like to make them and saigon a part of my life now...whether working or living there, whatever.

hansharris: they do the best they can, we do the best we can. when our paths and their paths intersect, as it did for you, then doing the best you can means helping them, sure.

howardhenry: in any case, i scanned some photos from your wedding and mailed them to Tam.

hansharris: cool. I'm sure she'll like them. 

hansharris: forget law school. I've always looked at your professional career as basically one in which you work towards perfecting your art while enjoying several interludes of travel and work. 

howardhenry: thanks.

hansharris: be right back. gotta pee

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